Leadership Development: Getting to Rock Bottom
He stood looking in the mirror and liked what he saw; tall, graying hair, just enough, well-exercised body, not overly done. He smiled that captivating smile and spoke to himself, “Good evening ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining me.” His voice would not disappoint him, still smooth and melodic.
And yet, he felt like a fraud.
All the leadership development training from his years in college and graduate school did not erase the sting of a childhood where an alcoholic father would abuse him and beat him till he begged to be forgiven, even if there was nothing to forgive.
He turned from the mirror and picked up the well-crafted speech he would give when he accepted the prestigious humanitarian award. He was proud, had every right to be proud.
And yet, he felt like a fraud.
No one, not even his ex-wives and three children knew how he suffered in silence. They saw THE MAN. They saw the handsome face, charming manner, the winner. He never shared with them, with anyone how way deep inside he was still that frightened little boy waiting for the next hard slap from his slobbering mean dad. Even though the man had been dead for a decade, he was still here, lighting up the room with anger and disgust.
He picked up the copy of “Don’t Bring It to Work: Breaking the Family Patterns that Limit Success” that someone had given him to check out.
Sick of leadership books, of business books that list the 5 or 12 or 15 best ways to be successful, he had resisted even opening it. Yet, the words “family patterns” stuck in his head.
He had enough time before he had to leave. He was here, alone. No other woman wanted to get too close, four divorces under his belt made him a great date and questionable for a longer relationship.
He flipped to the middle of the book, the place it talks about how we carry the patterns of our family with us till we do the hard work of transforming them.
He put the book down and wiped his eyes. Maybe it was time he finally gave up the exhausting life of a super achiever. He was so tired of always being on, always being first, always being THE MAN.
Tonight he would accept the award.
Tomorrow he would read the book.
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