The Splitter (continued) Then I began to get a funny feeling, not "ha, ha" funny but "something is amiss" funny. John would come into my office with two cups of cappuccino, my favorite drink and in a solicitous voice asked how I was doing kind of like I was sick or disabled. He would tell me how he was helping me keep other employees in line by coaching them in their jobs. One day he said "next Thursday is Bob's birthday and you may want to get him a present. He told me he doesn't feel appreciated and is thinking of quitting." Bob had been at the company for 10 years and if he were upset I believe he would have come to me directly. John disagreed. "People are afraid to tell you the truth. You know, you're the boss they won't really speak up. I'm here to help with damage control so don't worry." I know being the leader is a complex role and I was glad to have John on my side, or so I thought at the time. John was part of senior management and over time the flavor of the meetings changed. I began to notice meetings that had been open, challenging and sprinkled with laughter, had become stilted and boring. Two women I had known for years were constantly having lunch with John yet too busy to have a sandwich with me. Again, more cappuccino, as John warned me that these two senior people were feeling overworked and misused. Again, not to worry he was coaching them. After 8 months and a large paycheck going to John, there were lots of empty promises and a senior staff festering with mistrust. I decided I better do something. I called in a consultant to do team building. John was upset. He thought it was a mistake to bring in an "outsider." Morale had gone down that was taking its toll on the bottom line and he was there to help me, telling me who was complaining and why. He promised to "save the day." I chose the consultant and thank goodness I did. I'll spare the gory details. In a nut shell everyone John talked about to me he was also talking with them saying I wanted to replace them and he would save their jobs. The consultant explained to me the power of the splitter. Everything is said by innuendo and promise. Nothing is direct. When anything is said to a splitter it is denied. The splitter is always there "to help." The consultant requested direct communication and honesty and by then it was clear John's behavior had created a toxic environment. It was like carbon monoxide. You know, you can't see it or smell it and yet it can kill you if you let it go too long. The consultant talked with John at length and then helped me understand that as a child John was caught between warring parents and had learned to remain safe by siding with one against the other. We are a compassionate firm, yet we are not a rehab facility and while it helped to understand John's background it was clear he needed way more help than he could get from team building or coaching. What was interesting was once he could no longer play his games - people were back talking to each other directly - he self selected out by deciding to start his our own sales company. While I feel sorry for him I'm glad he's gone. I guess knowing when enough is enough is as vital as knowing when you can help someone grow. My advice to anyone who realizes they have a splitter in their midst is to get help fast and get them out. Then like with carbon monoxide get a detector - often with splitters it's listening to your own gut instinct and acting quickly. |
