Paying it Forward (cont.) While we awaited the late arrival of one of our editors, we used the time to just "be together," and catch up on what was happening in each others lives, something there’s rarely time to do while at work. It wasn’t a formal "Getting Current" thing, but it had kind of the same effect. I wanted everyone to be present before we began. I decided that although I had a rather ambitious agenda, that we would be guided to some extent by the energy levels attached to each session. I would make every effort to keep the meeting moving forward, but was prepared for the inevitable "traffic jams," points at which more people needed to be heard, and I would let those discussions become more protracted as needed. - Ground Rule #1:
Throughout the entire day, we were required only to ask questions. We were never to assume we had the answers, we were only interested in gaining a deeper understanding. I can’t tell you how critical this turned out to be. - Ground Rule #2:
Active Listening. We must listen attentively to whoever is speaking. No cell phones (of course), no side-bars, no wandering off to check messages. It’s really a blessing to have all of your key people sitting comfortably listening to one another, uninterrupted, for an entire day. It’s powerful.
Expectations. What would the expectations be for today’s meeting? I had everyone weigh in on this. Everyone got to express what we might accomplish in this short period we had together. I emphasized that this was only one short day; that we would not be expected to transform our company in one day, and that we should set some realistic expectations. Everyone was intrigued, and a little relieved. People stated their expectations using phrases like "better understanding," "clearer communication," "clearer vision." Some skeptics pointed out that they didn’t want this to end up being another one of these seminars that "starts out interesting, goes nowhere, and ends up being a big waste of time." I was grateful for all of the honesty, and even more grateful that people seemed genuinely interested in expressing themselves. After a thorough airing of expectations, during which we all took notes, I moved on to the first subject. One of my colleagues in Total Leadership Connections (TLC) had turned me on to this best-seller by Jim Collins, called Good to Great. I used the first principle of this book to emphasize a fundamental decision I had made. We would never hire anyone unless we were sure they were the best person for the job. We would hold off, even if it meant finding different ways to get the job done, even if it meant outsourcing - until we found the best person to hire for a particular job. We would, from now on, adopt the attitude, "When in doubt - keep looking." I could feel a real sense of unity in the room. I was not trying to threaten anyone’s job, but I did state that there were people in our company who would probably be happier, and more successful working somewhere else, and that we would make the changes necessary to ensure that everyone in our company was a passionate, committed, effective employee - because once we had the right people on the bus, AND everyone was in the right seats-we’d then be in a position to make our company great! I could feel the buy-in. Nobody wanted to work alongside "dead wood." Everybody wanted to work in a "charged" environment. The right people make all the difference. Common sense, but it’s powerful to hear someone express it. I moved into a discussion about business challenges, and used an exercise straight out of TLC. I went around the room and asked each person to describe their biggest business challenge. We asked a few questions after each person spoke, but I kept it brief. I then broke up the group into teams of three. I purposefully paired people from different departments, who had little frame of reference for each others job, and had them spend ten minutes per person, asking questions designed to help that person work through their challenge. This is where questioning leads to real learning. Each person’s challenge was turned over and looked at from so many different perspectives, through thoughtful questioning, that it was impossible not gain valuable insight into the issues. Afterward, a short break, we reconvened to review what we had learned from one another. Each person expressed a commitment to take some action; to work through their biggest challenge. This exercise alone made people feel the day was worth the time they’d committed to being there. A week prior to the meeting, I’d asked each manager to answer four essay questions: "What does City Paper do best?" "What can we possibly do better than anyone else in the world?" "When City Paper is at its best, what does it look like?" And, "In the best of all worlds, with unlimited resources, what could we become?" The answers to these questions, in some ways, set the tone for this retreat. I finished the meeting by handing out the answers that everyone had written. They were thoughtful, passionate, compelling, and in some cases, inspiring. I also handed each person a copy of Don Miquel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements, a book which encourages readers to (1) be impeccable with your word, (2) never take anything personal, (3) don’t make assumptions, (4) always do your best. Parting gifts are always nice. I got such great feedback from this meeting - from just about everyone. From "We should do this again soon," to "Now, I feel like we’re a team," to "Man, I learned a lot today." But, the most heartening feedback came from my most skeptical manager; the one who hates sitting through long meetings, hates being told how to communicate, hates being asked to participate in breakout sessions. From that manager, I received the following feedback, "This was good - glad I came." |
Ask Sylvia (cont.) Ask yourself "Who else in my life do I have difficulty talking with?" Go back as early in your childhood as possible. Was it a "bossy" older sister, a controlling father, a judgmental mother? As you find answers, notice how that "knot" in your stomach feels. Is it getting tighter or lessening in intensity? Then ask yourself this question, "What might happen if I speak up?" Again, notice the tension areas in your body as you explore the possibilities and begin making the connections between past patterns and the current situation. Then see if you can name the role you played when it was time to speak up. Some familiar roles are the peacemaker (responsible to make the right decision), the rebel (speaking the unspeakable) or the scapegoat (saying things that everyone agrees make the situation worse). Become inventive as you name your role and the roles of the others in your family -- the original organization into which you were born. Once you make the connection with the pattern, you are in a better position to "untie the knot" with your boss. Ask for a private meeting with your boss and begin a dialogue. Our definition of a dialogue is a back and forth conversation that contains kernels of truth. State your concern that it has been difficult to speak up and it is getting in the way of doing your best. Some bosses have more difficulty than others discussing feelings, therefore it is best to stay with the facts. You do not have to go into specific personal detail unless you feel comfortable doing so. Ask for help in moving forward by acknowledging that you have felt stuck and you are now willing to risk speaking out. If your concern is you will be judged, say so, if you are afraid your ideas will be discounted, say so, if you think you may be ignored, say so. In a dialogue, everyone needs to be considered. So after you ask for help and state your desire to act differently, ask you bosses how your comments have affected him or her. Listen without interruption, without judgment. Remember, your boss also grew up in his or her original "family" organization" and has deep concerns and yearnings around pleasing employees, being successful and being considered. The "knot" in your stomach may not magically become "untied" after only one dialogue with your boss, but you may find that the tension around it begins to subside. Eventually, when you continue to tell the truth about your reactions, you will find that not only the important relationship with your boss will change, but all your encounters with authority figures will become easier and more productive. |
