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Business, Business and Life Patterns, Growth, Patterns, Success

How to Deal with a Narcissist

Sylvia Lafair
May 20, 2020

I’ve been getting lots of questions about how to deal with the narcissist lately. I began to wonder if this personality type is more prevalent, or at least more obvious during times of extra stress.

So, I did a deep dive into various publications and paid special attention to the news.

Yes, there are lots of Narcissists in the news.

I have a few that stand out for me.

How about you? I’d love to compare notes.

Then I started to think about where narcissism starts. It led me right back to my book where I sort through the behavior patterns and personality traits that are part of our developmental years.

The patterns I discuss in ‘Don’t Bring It to Work” are the ones that we learned as kids from our original organization, the family, and bring with us to work.

They get in the way of connection, communication, and collaboration at work (and at home, I might add).

The pattern I discuss in detail that comes closest to the narcissist is the Super Achiever. That is the individual I call the “me, me, me guy or gal.”

Super Achievers and Narcissists are very much alike.

They boast about how good they are.

They are not team players.

They steal ideas from others and claim them for their own.

They talk a great game.

They show off and claim they have special talents yet, without much substance.

They are self-obsessed.

They damage others without thought of consequences.

They cut off people rather than work through issues.

They love high-end material things and shiny objects that cost lots of money.

They ghost people who no longer matter in their quest for greatness.

They claim to care about you, and about making the world a better place.

And, truth be told, they really never care about you unless you can do something for them.

Super achievers and narcissists don’t want to change. Often, they are not even aware of how self-indulgent they are.

They want you to cater to them, bow to them and listen to them. They KNOW better about what really matters.

Got the idea

Now for the downside. (Yes, there is more).

The super achiever and the narcissist also have a great deal of victim psychology underneath the bravado. They play the victim card when they feel they are being disrespected or discarded.

You hear “No one ever asks if I’m okay and I do so much for so many.”

Just notice when someone you know who thinks they are King or Queen of the Hill decides you or whoever has discounted them.

You get fired if you have the unholy privilege of working for them.

You are talked about in negative ways.

You are thrown out of their very tight-knit tribe.

You will be the target of their revenge.

Do you get the drift?

Now, what to do if you are in a relationship with, work with, or just happen to be around one of these destructive types of people.

Here’s what I suggest you do.

STOP!.

Just stop playing into their narrative or it will cost you emotionally and/or fiscally.

They may write a book and you will be slimed. They will not support you and you may end up jobless. They will make sure you are considered untrustworthy and unwanted by their ‘in-crowd.’

Enough! You get it.

Be careful.

I had a super achieving narcissist do some marketing for me years ago. It cost a ton of wasted money till I woke up.

It was expensive hogwash.

And yet, I learned a great deal about my own weakness for being ‘romanced’ and told how great my work is and what he could do to help me.

I had to address how and why I got entrapped by this narcissist.

Did I change my relationship with Mr. Narcissist?

No.

However, from that awful, expensive encounter I learned some uncomfortable truths about myself.

Just sayin!

There is good news, however,

Patterns can be transformed into their healthy opposite with some inner work about how they developed in the first place. The super achiever/narcissist can become a powerful creative collaborator who is respected and really does make a difference.

Want to know the top 13 top patterns at work and their positive transformations?

I’ve got a fascinating video series that explains each one and you’ll get clarity about what might be holding you back!

>>CLICK HERE TO START WATCHING<<

Business, Business and Life Patterns, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Managing Stress, Stress

7 Ways to “Practice Safe Stress” during times of confusion and chaos

Sylvia Lafair
March 25, 2020

What do you do when others are driving you nuts? When you can’t seem to catch your breath because so much is being asked of you? When you must change your schedule to please others who claim to need you ‘right now’?

Do you go on the attack and say whatever comes to mind to get back at the offenders?

Or do you slide away quietly and go into hibernation, hoping that by ignoring the situation, you will be ok?

Guess what?

Attacking or retreating leads to the same place. More aggravation.

Either way, you lose!

Using these typical methods to handle stress won’t solve the problem.

Okay, you want to know what will solve the problem?

Do you want to learn how to practice safe stress?

Here are some ideas to help you gain control when you begin to wobble while responding to others.

FIRST: Where do your emotions reside? In Freakoutville or Zombieville?

FREAKOUTVILLE is filled with:

Drama kings and queens who take up all the space with their rantings
Rebels who are never willing to compromise
Superachievers who push everyone aside, so they are always first
Bully persecutors who put others down to feel good about themselves

ZOMBIEVILLE is filled with:

Procrastinators who make excuses so they cannot be held accountable
Avoiders who run in the other direction to avoid conflict
Deniers who pretend that all is fine and won’t look at difficulties
Pleasers who say yes to be liked and pretend they are happy to help

What is your primary pattern of responding?

Once you can pinpoint your typical way of responding you can learn to “reverse the curse” of getting your buttons pushed and falling victim to your own worn out, repetitive ways of responding.

Yes, it is a curse to keep getting caught in outdated, ineffective ways of behaving.

Only YOU can make the changes to get out of Freakoutville or Zombieville and get into the SAFE STRESS ZONE.

Here’s how:

1. Think like a computer: Unbridled emotions can limit confidence, communication, and creativity (the 3 C’s of success). Be like a computer and press the delete button once you see you are in the extremes of either Freakoutville or Zombieville.
2. See the pattern as AAP: It’s just ‘Another Annoying Pattern’ brought to you from the depths of your nervous system meant to keep you safe and secure when you were a kid and no longer needed.
3. Don’t feed the weed: When you pull young weeds from the garden it is super easy to get rid of them. If you feed the weeds, they will grow deep roots and you must tug and tug to get them out.
4. Stop the avalanche: Snowballs are fun to throw until they become so large you no longer have control. Maybe make a snowman and put a sock over its mouth.

Once is NOT enough: Staying in either extreme of overreacting or underreacting will continue to pop up, like pimples on a teenage face. So, keep clearing your thoughts and please don’t pick at the scabs.

Stand and be counted: Good posture helps diminish stress. Not only do you look better, but you also breathe better, and more oxygen in your body makes for a better mood. Stand, smile (even if you need to fake it at first) and in a few minutes the anger will subside.

Shrug IT OFF: Bring your shoulders to your ears and then let them drop. Do this rapidly. Inhale while you raise your shoulders and exhale when you lower. Think “Is this worth fighting or hiding” and just shrug it off as you walk into the safe stress zone to communicate effectively.

Practicing SAFE STRESS comes from being able, to tell the truth, stand for what is right, and learning how to say no without having to defend, explain or justify. You learn to be heard, accepted and appreciated.

Even better, you save your energy for what is fun and creative rather than staying stuck in anger.

Safe stress is good for you, it’s good for the world.

Business and Life Patterns, Communication, Patterns

How Super Achievers Can Listen to Themselves and Others

Sylvia Lafair
February 11, 2020

Before super achievers can listen to themselves or others, they need to know how they got to be so exhausting, annoying, and demanding in the first place.

Here’s how the super-achiever pattern was addressed with a new coaching client, Dan, a Senior VP in a large marketing company that offers leadership development courses for senior executives.

He said this about himself, which much initial pride, “Hey, I always have to be front and center. I must get my way, or I become vindictive. I love applause and attention. And, just between the two of us, I deserve all the adulation.

However, I have lots of backstabbers on my team and a few nut cases who want to ‘take me down.’ They say all I do is talk about how great I am and how I make the best decisions and how glad they should be that I have them on my team.

BIG QUESTION: How did I ever become someone who needs everyone to think I’m great?

BIGGEST QUESTION: Is there a better way to be, at work and at home?

My Response: Dan and I were on zoom, and while he initially looked relaxed, the minute he talked about his team and the underlying concerns, he became tense and agitated.

BIG QUESTION was answered. He admitted, after some focused discussion, that he was programmed to be first in everything since he was a kid. His older brother was a mediocre student who started to ‘mess with drugs’ in middle school and by college, was a full-blown addict.

The family was financially successful, yet, emotionally bankrupt. Filled with deniers they would never admit there was an addict in the family. They just kept looking the other way,

And then, Dan began to explore what was really driving his behavior.

He was a senior in high school; his brother was going into his junior year in college and the bottom dropped out of the family. His brother over-dosed and died the day fall classes were to start.

Dan saw the pain at home (even though it was denied) and decided he would make up for all the sadness by becoming great, maybe even more than great, he would become the best.

Dan admitted that the word successful mattered more to him than the word happy.

He began to see where the determination came from to be best.

THE BIGGEST QUESTION took time for Dan to grapple with. He is in the process of learning the most appropriate ways to move from super-achiever to creative collaborator.

Now, he is revamping his life choices so that he doesn’t burn out and become an isolated man whose only friend is his mirror where he can look at himself and talk about what a great job he is doing.

He is looking at the fact that the attainment of wealth, position, and even fame can be included in his life purpose which now centers around having a team of high performers who also work well together.

He is on his way to a more complete and healthier life, personally and professionally. He’s crafting more honest sentences so when he talks, he doesn’t sound like an annoying braggart. He now uses ‘we’ and ‘us’ and less of ‘I.” More on the super-achiever can be found in Don’t Bring It To Work .

Take a few moments to watch this short video here to help you better understand the super achiever:

CONCLUSION: If you are, live with, or work with a super achiever, first, know that there is a level of sadness, anger, or embarrassment underneath the glitz and glitter of being on top of the heap.

You don’t need to know the details, just know that there is some anxiety and upset that leads to the obsession of being best.

The way to get super-achievers to listen, is first, to acknowledge their abilities. Yes, tell them they are good or even great at what they do. Then ask them how you can support them. The word ‘support’ is key here. They can still be best, at least for now, as you help to design the strategy for collaboration.

Use the words ‘we’ and ‘us’ over and over. It’s a way of relating that takes time when with a super achiever. It is doable!

Once super achievers learn to include others, they gain entrance into a more rewarding world of heightened creativity and you can all join each other in that fabulous state described as ‘flow.’

To your continued growth,

Sylvia

Business, Business and Life Patterns, Growth, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Managing Stress

What to do when life seems out of balance

Sylvia Lafair
December 18, 2019

Everyone is telling me this year has more stress and strain than in the past? You agree?

“Why,” people are asking, “is life so much more out of balance now?”

I must admit, I’m not sure. However, I have a hunch that all the social media stuff is really making us kinda crazy.

I was taking a few minutes to think about what we can learn from this seemingly frantic year and I landed on one word.

CURIOSITY

CURIOSITY is the doorway that can keep us all from falling down the rabbit hole of overwhelm and self-doubt.

CURIOSITY is the doorway that stimulates growth, joy, and expansion.

CURIOSITY is what helps us out of the prison of frustration and insecurity.

Let me explain. But, first a question.

What do you do when your plate is overflowing and you need to say STOP, yet you are afraid you will disappoint everyone?

I’ve asked lots of people this question and most of the answers fall into three categories

I just put my head down and keep going.
I eat every comfort food I can find and just keep going.
I give up and turn on Netflix.

Here is a better idea. For the rest of your lives you can do what I am now about to suggest. Do what I say, for at least one day and see how it feels and how your thinking can become more centered.

Ready?

For ONE MINUTE out of every hour (that’s just 60 seconds) allow for the unexpected. Just take that minute and reclaim the wonder of the very small child. In that one minute, fatigue will go, and curiosity and creativity will enter. And even better, your heart can open.

You can call it a minute meditation, you can call it a minute to chill out, you can call it anything you like. It is less than 15 minutes in your whole day to get away from your daily grind.

Then go back to what you were doing.

I have offered this technique to thousands of people and my guess is that at least 60% of those who did this one- minute- stop found that they were more creative and more content after a few days.

Set your watch or computer or smart phone. Just one minute each hour can make amazing changes in how you view the daily situation you are in.

There is a curious child in each of us that would love to come out and play. I’ll meet you on the swing set and climbing wall.

Business and Life Patterns, Change, Coaching, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Success

Is it Really the Season of Joy and Fun?

Sylvia Lafair
December 4, 2019

It’s officially the season of joy and fun…Or is it?

We are programmed to be happy, merry, and filled with love and appreciation. So, why are there so many who have inherited a black cloud filled with rain or snow that clings no matter what?

If so, you are not alone. Make you feel better?

It’s good to be in the majority for many things, right? Yet, it’s better to be in the elite 1% who can get past self-doubt, anxiety, fear, and frustration to enjoy the days ahead.

If your bad habits get in the way of achieving your goals, or past negative experiences keep playing over and over in your head, or your glass (no matter how big) is always seen as half empty, give yourself the gift of time to break free of all the accumulated crap that holds you back.

New perspectives are not that hard to develop. It just takes intention and focused time. You need both.

Look, think of it this way.

Would you wear the same clothes every day, without changing even your underwear?

Would you eat only hamburgers breakfast, lunch, and dinner for months at a time?

Would you say “yes” to everyone without thinking of the consequences?

Of course not. You’re not that stupid…

However, if the same upsets keep repeating and repeating, it’s time to polish the mirror and take a deeper look. If you don’t, here is how the first year of the new decade will play out.

You’ll continue to procrastinate, and goals won’t get accomplished. You’ll hide behind a fake smile and still feel like an imposter. You’ll still reach for the anti-acid to push the anxiety down and still have a stomach ache.

So, make this your time of change. Give yourself the gifts of focused time and intention.

Read a book that will help you say to yourself “Oh, now I get it.” Watch a film that will help you find the courage to speak up rather than retreat. Call someone who can help you find a new and more interesting path.

I’d like you to consider watching my webinar about change: https://www.ceoptions.com/gutsymasterclass

Right now, it’s for women, although men who have watched said it really helped them see the females in their lives from a clearer perspective as well as their own shortcomings.

Each day offers the opportunity to change.

Take advantage of the morning light to take new steps to make your life full of happiness, merriment, joy, and appreciation.

CLICK HERE and find the 5 shifts for a fuller, richer life. It’s not magic. However, the results are magical.

Business, Business and Life Patterns, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Leadership Styles, Success

Can people with high emotional intelligence still be assholes?

Sylvia Lafair
October 29, 2019

Here’s a question that comes up way too often. Before I state the question let me set the context.

Do you believe the leaders at your organization are good and positive people? Can you talk with your team and feel there is mutual respect? Have you ever been bullied by a brilliant boss?

Now the question: Can people with high emotional intelligence still be assholes?

Who better to pose the question to than Dr. Robert Sutton, Professor of Management Science and Engineering at Stanford University? He’s the author of the best seller “The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t.”

“The book has,” he said as we started our discussion, “never gone out of style, since bullying behavior in the workplace worsens morale and productivity.”

Bob’s endorsement of my book “Don’t Bring It To Work” means a lot to me. However, I told him I was initially resistant to having the word asshole right smack on the front cover of my book.

He smiled and said, “Look, there’s such an emotional reaction to the word asshole that I’d rather be straight out offensive than ignored.”

Sutton is NOT a man to be ignored.

Vivacious, fun, and creative he can go full speed in many directions at once.

What fascinated me was our discussion concerning the dark side of emotional intelligence.

Sutton pointed out that E.I. is an important aspect of leadership development. Yet, like everything else in life, the bright side of being aware of your emotions, communicating effectively, aligning with others to help them through their doubt and overwhelm, while important, comes with its shadows.

“Smart people with keen intelligence can also be brilliant manipulators. They have the language down pat, all the words that touch the emotions, they know how to play the game of ‘good and caring’ except they can truly be, well…. Assholes. This is far too common in the workplace and suddenly, you trusted too much and projects, possibilities, begin to unravel.” Instead, I would like you to be a positive force in the workplace.

Understanding and being able to call out the devious aspects of very smart people can save you lots of angst when hiring, promoting, and developing leadership talent.

Look, we all have a dark side.

However, most of us also have a conscience that keeps us from manipulating others and keeps us from standing on their backs to get ahead.

Yet, you must be prepared to call out those who take advantage before the house of cards falls on you.

Here’s what to look for:

Charm and charisma: these emotional vipers have great verbal skills, with an uncanny ability to find your ego needs and fan the flames of how wonderful you are and how they can help you.
Blazing hot connections: they know ‘all the right people’ they can introduce you to.
Empathy: they understand you, show great compassion, and know what you are feeling and how to help.
Overpromise: paint an appealing picture of how the future will be great as you bond with them.
Underdeliver: easily point finger of blame at others when situation turns sour.

For your own success, learning to spot those who use emotional intelligence to manipulate is vital. Don’t be swayed by the good-looking, smooth talkers no matter how sparkling they first appear. They often are the biggest assholes you will ever meet.

Keep this as your mantra “If it seems to be too good to be true, it usually is.”

Dr Sutton, a pragmatist at heart added, “Some things can look mighty good. But, don’t get trapped into their promises of magic. It’s hard work and integrity that count.”

Business, Business and Life Patterns, Confidence, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Leadership Styles

Why Women Today Need To Go Bigger, Go Bolder, Go GUTSY!

Sylvia Lafair
October 15, 2019

When I was researching my book “GUTSY: How Women Leaders Make Change” I came across some fascinating, frustrating, and vital information that made me want to stand up and yell “Hey everyone. It’s about time. Time to break away from past cultural fears that still create so much self-doubt and hold us back from playing full out.”

Let me explain.

Has anybody been to Salem Massachusetts? On Halloween? It’s a “madhouse” (pardon the pun) of psychics everywhere ready to do readings. It’s also a great place to explore some of those cultural fears that still have a hold on us.

Halloween is a special time in Salem. However, all year round great information is there for us to learn about the witch trials of 1692. Women, bona fide healers who worked with herbs and their own intuition, were considered well, witches. That was a time when any GUTSY woman knew to keep her intuitive abilities undercover or suffer an ugly death.

Interesting that modern brain research indicates that women have an advantage in the ability to sense when something is about to happen. And yet, most of us ignore this internal warning system probably because we just want to fit in and stay safe. Could it also be subtle memories about ancestors who did not shut up and were burned at the stake that makes us wary?

Who knows?

Let’s go back even further and check out Greek legends. Anybody reading this named Sandra or Cassandra, pay super strict attention. Here’s the love story: the god Apollo fell in love with the princess Cassandra. He gave her a gift; so far a typical story. The gift, however, was more than a gorgeous bracelet or trip to a lavish island; it was the gift of prophecy.

Now, this gift was non-refundable… Yet, when Cassandra did not get all mushy about Apollo, he became a scorned lover and wanted revenge. Yup, happens all the time. So, the only thing this mad man could do was put a curse on her; make it so no one would listen. Thus, when she warned that her beloved homeland, Troy would be destroyed no one would believe her.

Hummmm. Ancient Greece, witch trials, women getting brushed aside when they see where things are heading; told to mind their own business.

Look, we all know the speed of change is constantly escalating and yes, we do need to speak out. No more letting fear and self-doubt win.

Remember Sherron Watkins? She was a former Vice President of Corporate Development at Enron. She helped uncover that ugly scandal. As a whistleblower, she, to this day, discusses the isolation that comes from talking truth to power and how important it is to speak out. Ask yourself, are you Gutsy or Bold?

It is only through talking truth to power and being brave that we can continue to transform the patterns from the past. Karen Mangia is a great example of a Gutsy Woman and you can read all about her here.

That’s why I started my private Facebook Group “Women Leaders Inner Circle” to have a safe place to discuss how to erase self-doubt, stop listening to the inner critic that can paralyze even the most talented people, and find the confidence to go bigger, go bolder, go GUTSY.

Please join me and add your voice here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenleadersinnercircle/

It’s about you, it’s about me and it’s about time.

Business, Business and Life Patterns, Confidence, Growth, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Success

3 Key Ways to Win at Work

Sylvia Lafair
October 1, 2019

My work with individuals and groups over the years has helped me to uncover 3 key ways to win at work when you’re feeling frazzled and ready to throw in the towel.

Have you found that at one time or another you wanted to stuff a sock in someone’s mouth rather than listen to them wail or rail?

Think about the gal on your team that never stops complaining, or the big shot who is always bragging, or the bully who steamrolls over others with their point of view and never listens to others.

You go home exhausted from the tension and lack of cooperation.

“It’s just business,” you say to yourself with a shrug.

Hey there, pay attention. That’s just traditional wisdom playing with you.

And it’s simply NOT true.

There are businesses with great leaders who get along, have fun at work, enjoy solving challenges together, and make great profits.

You belong in that setting. Here’s what many leaders have done to create workplaces that work.

Let’s look at the three main ways of changing what’s not working, for you or those on your team (Hint for leaders: you need to start with yourself before you can be of help to others).

Here is the way OUT:

Observe your own behavior: If you have a problem and you solve it, that’s great. That’s what business is all about. However, if the same problem keeps showing up time after time, well then, you have a pattern to deal with.

Once you declare a problem to be repetitive, then you can make change happen.

Understand the root issues: Close the door or go sit in your car. No distractions. Write out what is keeping you stuck. Not a dissertation, just a short paragraph. Now, answer this question “When else did you have the same feelings of frustration and upset?”

Connect the dots from past upsets to the present problem. My bet is that you will see quickly how the past and present are related.

Transform by taking action: This is where you commit to change. Take an honest look at the part you play in the on-going situation (yes, you do play a role, so don’t try to wiggle out of this by pointing your finger at others). Changing behavior beyond a superficial way requires discipline, experimentation, and practice.

There are 13 major patterns that get in the way of positive relationships at work. You can find out which one/s have you name on them by taking the Leadership Quiz at www.ceoptions.com.

Take the quiz. It’s eye-opening.

Cause if you don’t, you’ll stay stuck in pattern repetition, like the guy in the movie Groundhog Day.

Once you learn to harness your own power by transforming the negative patterns into healthy ones you get amazing rewards. There is more honest communication, better relationships, optimized team collaboration, and greater financial success.

Become a pattern buster and watch your leadership abilities soar.

Business, Business and Life Patterns, Gutsy, Leadership Styles, Managing Stress

How do you stay calm, cool, and collected?

Sylvia Lafair
July 30, 2019

When the heat index goes way into the red zone how do you stay calm, cool, and collected?

Here is a composite of the types of emails I have been getting the past month, mostly from the east coast of the U.S. and from much of Europe.

It goes something like this:

“It’s too hot to think. It’s too hot to talk. It’s too hot for anything except sitting in an air-conditioned room and checking Facebook. Can’t even concentrate to watch my favorite rerun of Suits.”

And then there are many who write: “The planet is in real trouble and we are not doing enough. We have done ourselves in and maybe the only place to go is to Mars. What about the little ones who will inhabit a flat, hot, and maybe even unlivable piece of real estate.”

The big ‘ask’ has been “What do we do during these times of stress that are certainly not in our personal realm to change. Can’t change the murky, miserable weather, can’t single-handedly stop the polar ice caps from melting, and refusing plastic straws in a restaurant feels like a helpful, yet meaningless act.”

The weather will change (and maybe end up too cold with tons of snow) and there will still be those who complain about the cold and those who will wring their hands and talk about climate change.

I was thinking about the bridge that needs to be considered between these two perspectives and I flashed to a time when we had invited the esteemed Ram Dass to teach at Creative Energy Options many years ago.

He was asked a variation of the question: “What do you do when everything seems to be falling apart. When it seems like Armageddon is around the corner.”

His answer has stayed with me all these years and it is so relevant during these hot, steamy, combative, and confusing times we are living through. I give you his words here, and if you don’t know who Ram Dass is, please look him up and when the weather cools a bit read his classic book Be Here Now or his newest Changing Lenses.

What Ram Dass said was that if Armageddon is arriving you need to “center yourself, breathe deeply, acknowledge what is happening, and …. Read this in his own words,

“I’ve been asked many times if this is the Aquarian age and it’s all just beginning or is this Armageddon and it’s the end, and I have to admit I don’t know.

The way I’ve usually copped out in dealing with this is saying, “Whichever way it goes, my work is the same: to quiet the mind and open my heart and relieve suffering wherever I find it.”

The more I do inner work, the more my awareness breaks down the boundaries between myself and other people, and the more that happens, the more there’s only “us” instead of “them.” And then the more there’s only “us,” the more the suffering of everyone, and the joy of everyone, becomes my suffering and my joy.”

For everyone living where it is too hot, and those living where it will be too cold and for all of us living with the threats of floods and fires and winds that blow too strongly, now is the time, as Ram Dass suggests, to do the inner work, confront personal history, and make decisions based on your inner wisdom rather than your inner critic.

That is the core of my new 8- week program specifically for GUTSY WOMEN LEADERS who want to kick overwhelm to the curb.

Please consider joining my Facebook group, Women Leaders Inner Circle where there will be lots of tips as well as more information about the soon to be released GUTSY program.

3 habits that may be keeping you labeled as mega stupid

Business, Business and Life Patterns, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Success

These 3 habits may be keeping you labeled as mega-stupid

Sylvia Lafair
July 8, 2019

Who do you work with you think is a dumb ass?

Someone who you will never ask for advice. Did you ever take the time to sort out the different levels of stupid? Here is a thought to ponder: Ignorance can be educated, crazy can be medicated. But what is the cure for stupid?

There have been dopey leaders since the beginning of time. Some will own their mistakes while others just get a glazed look and say “huh?”

Here’s what Cicero, the Roman politician, and lawyer had to say way back in the day “Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error.”

Check these 3 habits that can keep you labeled as mega-stupid.

And you know the old saying if the shoe fits …. It must belong to you.

Habit #1: Pattern repetition:

It’s so true that “if you also do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always got.” Henry Ford, Mark Twain, Tony Robbins, and many others have been credited with the quote. Take your pick, each is a super creative innovator and the opposite of a stupid leader.

Stupid means you hide under the covers when change is in the air. It means you are willing to end up with what worked in the past and is no longer relevant. That means stagnation and yes, pattern repetition.

Think about work this way for a minute…

The passion for being a leader or an entrepreneur is to be a creative problem solver. Once you solve a problem you get to the next problem and the creative juices keep flowing. It’s fun and challenging.

However, if you keep facing the same problems over and over and the responses are always the same, it’s no longer a problem. It’s a pattern.

Pay attention: when the tendency is to repeat ineffective, and often self-destructive behavior, you are in the realm of stupid.

Habit #2: Avoidance:

What do you do when a situation is uncomfortable? Do you find an excuse to leave or just pick yourself up to get out of the tension that conflict arouses? Here is a good quote to memorize from American philosopher Elbert Hubbard about being an avoider, “To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.”

Don’t take an avoider’s excuse at face value. They know what is going on and simply let others tackle the tough stuff. They usually only want to come back to talk when they think there will be a happy outcome.

Please remember that becoming self -aware is disruptive and inevitably requires change. And many times the change is embarrassing an even exhausting.

Stupid leaders let their fears keep them from engaging.

Habit #3: Denial:

This is a group of stupid leaders we could call the “NOTSEES.” (Say this fast and shudder!) They pretend the world is great and they are part of the truly best and the brightest. They always praise themselves, rarely do any research to see if what they are thinking has any true merit (flat earthers, anyone?), and they never have backup plans in case a dose of reality hits them on the head.

Denying what is going on will not make it go away (climate change, anyone?). It makes it tough for any real change to happen.

These stupid leaders will always point the finger at others while they defend their position, justify their thinking and attack those who disagree.

What can you do to help a stupid leader smarten up?

Your job is to speak up, stay centered and offer suggestions. You can talk about a book that will help your stupid leader take off the foggy glasses, even for just a brief time.

One great book is Whiplash: How to Survive our Faster Future by Joi Ito and Jeff Howe.

The cure for stupid is communication and compassion. You need to disrupt the traditional way of holding back what you are thinking and become a leader with your stupid boss or supervisor regardless of where you fit in the pecking order.

And, if you are the boss, maybe it’s a good time to ask HR to have a 360 assessment so you can see your weak spots in back and white.

I have a great assessment tool that has helped so many become better bosses and eliminate the 3 habits may be keeping you labeled as mega-stupid because it is focused on behavior patterns that are no longer effective. Send me an email and I give you the info.

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Check these 3 habits that can keep you labeled as mega-stupid.

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