Change is inevitable however, we’ve been thrown into change, more change than we’ve ever expected to experience in our lifetimes. So how do we figure what really matters as we begin to create the new normal?
I want to share the story where the president of a company I work with recently called me and said the following:
“I don’t want to change. I like who I am. I’m smart and capable. And I’m damn mad that my route to success has been hijacked.”
After he stopped his ranting about life not being fair, about all the hard work he had done now seemingly going down the tubes, about the fact that he didn’t create this crazy, confusing, world, he finally took a breath and got quiet.
He began again.
Only this time I heard a quiver in his voice as he said quietly “Everything I have worked for all these years may have been a big waste of time.”
I said the magic words I so often teach people to say when someone is upset.
“TELL ME MORE.” Was all I requested and then I shut up.
It took him a few extra seconds before he began again.
“I’m scared. I’m worried about the future. I’m worried for my staff and I’m worried about my family. I just don’t know what else to do.”
I sat and waited. My nod on that Zoom call was one of “Okay, tell me more.” (I didn’t say it, I just waited).
And then he finally tapped into what I have labeled “the F word.”
He started to talk about his FEELINGS.
We know, as more information about neuropsychology becomes available, that emotions and facts cannot live without each other. It really is impossible to think without feeling.
No matter how hard we want to compartmentalize, emotions push their way to couple with logic.
My question to him, and to you is “How do you handle the worry you have about things you cannot control?”
Look, everyone is worried about the state of the world right now. When will things return to ‘business as usual’?
I believe it will become “business as unusual.”
Do you have any guesses about what your work world will look like six months or a year from now?
Now is the time to re-think and re-feel what really matters as we begin to create the new normal.
That triple bottom line is more important than ever before: people, planet, profits.
Back to my client.
He started to respond in his typical manner (the main reason he became a client) to blame, judge, and justify.
“It’s his fault, her fault, their fault.”
Yet, very quickly he realized he was reverting to old, outdated ways of responding.
Then very quietly he said, “I don’t know how to react when I’m not in control.”
Ah, he was now ready, I was ready, we were ready
Time for a change of mindset.
You can’t practice it like you do a golf swing.
Or, maybe it’s not so different.
You look at the ball and check with your eyes to see where you want it to go. You take a deep breath and use the best techniques you have learned to let the golf club make the ball go where you think it should go.
And then you wait.
You watch the air take the ball to wherever.
Instead of the physical world of golf clubs and golf balls, it’s the world of mindsets and reactions.
You practice almost like you would with a golf swing. By observing yourself differently and the way you have ordered your world.
You spend time addressing what triggers you to upset. You stop long enough to look at where you want your reactions to go. You take a deep breath and use the best techniques you have learned to get your response where you think it should be.
And then you wait.
You watch your reaction take your words wherever.
And then you wait.
The more you attempt to control everything, the more stress you feel.
Sometimes you win and other times you don’t.
Yet, you keep practicing to get the best outcome possible.
Once my client could relate to our session like a golf lesson, he was more ready to do his best and let go of things out of his control.
Can you do the same?