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Why being a clown just doesn't work
Business, Business and Life Patterns, Leadership, Patterns

Why being a clown just doesn’t work

What happens at work when meetings get tense?

Does the team leader call for a break? Is there simply a deafening silence for a few minutes and then you just keep plodding on, ignoring the elephant in the room? Or does someone jump in with a joke, hoping to warm the frigid emotions?

Let me share a story that happened a few weeks ago at a meeting that perfectly illustrates the clown pattern at play.

After you read about how the tension was relieved, think about how you would have handled being in charge.

Here’s the scene: Dan, a jovial marketing expert, was known for his wit. He often jumped in when two or three individuals were throwing verbal darts at each other. This particular day, one of the strong and very opinionated women was under attack.

Dan waited till there was a short silence and said “Hey, you guys, this tension reminds me of a story I heard about a woman who killed her husband. Not just killed, she chopped him into pieces. The note in the house entry was that she had had enough. He never listened and for the umptenth time she told him NOT to walk on the newly washed hallway and kitchen floors and, well, he ignored her once too often.

The police arrived at the house and called into headquarters. We’re ready to look for the culprit. Response from headquarters, “What are you waiting for?” Response from police on site “We’re waiting for the floors to dry.”

What do you think was the reaction from the team of ten?

Meet Dan, a perfect example of the clown pattern.

Sometimes humor is the best way to drive a point home. It can communicate ideas that are serious in a lighthearted way. My question to you is, “How was Dan’s timing?”

The answer. The guys on the team laughed. The gals were furious. Instead of moving forward this team had to take a break and meet several days later when tempers cooled. Dan was asked by the VP to please, please not make any more jokes like the one from the other day.

The major work for those who have the clown pattern is to become a humorist.

Watch the video below and find out the best way to give effective feedback to those “Clowns” when they show up

The difference is all in the timing.

In my book “Don’t Bring It To Work” on pages 141-142 you can learn about how Mark Twain became a great model of how to use humor in difficult situations.

Let me know if you have any great jokes that can help lower the tension in meetings.

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Harvey Weinstein in Cannes
Business and Life Patterns, Leadership, Patterns

How Harvey Weinstein and His Fellow Abusers Came Into Power

What if we decide to move past the natural temptation to blame and decide instead to seek deeper understanding of how so many men could use power to get what they want (or think they want)?

This is a plea for all the GUTSY WOMEN and GALLANT MEN to help make the changes in our society that will lead to a more honest gender-balanced form of working and living together.

First, let’s take a trip back in time with this question in mind: How did all the Harvey Weinstein’s of the world get their power?

Here’s a brief look at the contributing factors from the past, the patterns, as I like to say, that developed and stay with us even now.

Time travel with me to the 17th Century, the time of Galileo and Newton. That’s when the picture of reality changed, and it changed all of us.

Let me explain: this is the time that man became in charge of the material world and the modern era was launched. The key areas include the scientific method, unlimited material progress, industrialization and pragmatic values.

In the words of author and philosopher Lewis Mumford, “Unbounded power was harnessed to equally unbounded appetites.”

I’m not making this a history lesson, however, so often we forget to go back to see the origins of why we do what we do in the present time. Generational patterns are at play and a full understanding helps to make real and sustainable change possible.

Did you know that in agricultural societies there were often female leaders and these societies were more egalitarian, democratic and peaceful? As industrialization began to flourish and male values of power and money became the underlying theme of success women were often seen as secondary citizens.

When we are programmed from birth to be seen as “less than” we become intimidated. We learn to please and be quiet. To become martyrs who think of ourselves last and deny what we really see before us.

It’s a matter of survival.

In my book GUTSY: How Women Leaders Make Change you are taken from the stories that were there for you to hear as a child and became embedded into your belief system to now.

Change is in the air.

While I am saddened by Harvey Weinstein’s story as well as so many others that are now coming forward, I am encouraged that women will no longer smile and ignore. The PLEASER of the past becomes the TRUTH TELLER of today.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about how you see CHANGE happening in the workplace towards a more gender balance of power.

 

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What Business Leaders Can Do When The World Seems To Be Falling Apart
Business and Life Patterns, Goals, Leadership

What Business Leaders Can Do When The World Seems To Be Falling Apart

This week’s article is written with deep sadness. The question that so many are asking today, after the devastation in Las Vegas is “When will we ever learn?”

Words fall short.

Does calling the killer evil or insane make a real difference? There always seems to be the next evil, insane one.

The gun lobby says “Well, cars kill so should we ban cars?” We know cars and guns don’t kill. Yet, who is  looking deeply enough at the core reasons people use cars and guns to kill.

Then there are those who say we are free to bear arms, no matter what.

Do you know that there is a larger group of people with guns in the United States (42%) than elsewhere in the world?

Is our way of life only about money and profits and greed?

Here’s where I’m going…. I think there is a crisis of meaning and values and that is what we are up against.

Leaders, listen up.

Here is one of the key questions for today. It’s a question that is begging for a dialogue.

We humans have developed consummate technological capability to do almost anything we can imagine wanting to do. How can we now develop corresponding ability to choose wisely what should be done and how we can support each other and the earth as we move forward.

How do we get past the yes, I am for or the no I am against?

That is such an old model.

Leaders, you can begin the dialogue at work. Start with your leadership team. Set up lunch and learn sessions to discuss the cost of short term objectives that ultimately induce long-term consequences.

Bring in some educators who will take your employees down the path of critical thinking.

It doesn’t matter if you sell shoes or underwear or if you provide services such as mortgages or seo support.

We are all smarter than we realize and when we begin to talk and gather together for the common good, wonders can happen. Is this just a simply, cotton-candy way of looking at the world? I sure hope not.

Here is another vital question.

How can we exercise needed societal control without sacrificing individual liberty?

My part of the puzzle is in relationships.

There are no INDIVIDUAL actions. All actions are inter-related.

Think of it this way. We are born from a relationship (those two-people called mother and father) through a relationship (called giving birth) into a relationship (called caretaking).

All work together. And they are all interactive.

So, let’s stop thinking about individual rights and start a deeper dialogue about relationship rights.

Our dominant materialistic world view and accompanying weakness of values and meaning has led to a very deep human concern — alienation. Most of us are alienated from nature and because of that we ignore the Earth’s life support system, our very survival.

Recent posts I’ve read are about loneliness at work, a place that has become increasingly devoid of meaning.

And at the core, we are alienated from each other and thus, from ourselves.

Leaders, start a discussion group at your organization. Maybe only one or two will show up initially. However, it the time is meaningful the word will spread and you will have employees asking for speakers and reading material.

Everything is connected, and no one wins unless we all do.

 

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There's no snake oil remedy for success
Business and Life Patterns, Coaching, Leadership

Don’t Believe the Hype…There’s No Snake Oil Remedy for Success

Did you ever look at someone who seems to have it all and begin to shrink yourself down to the size of a pea, feeling worthless?

Do you ever listen to someone who has the answers, I mean the real answers, to health, wealth, and relationships, and feel like a dummy…really less than?

Have you ever felt depressed meeting someone who is taller, thinner, better dressed and felt like a loser, never being good enough?

Look, there’s always a back story and without knowing the underbelly of someone’s life, it’s so easy to put yourself at the back of the pack.

We all do it, or at least those of us who are honest and searching for truth.  Sometimes, we wonder if we are failing, while others are jogging up that mountain of success without missing a beat.

I just had that happen today and it was like a whack on the side of the head, a wake-up call, to be careful not to buy into what looks good on the outside, without checking further.

Snake oil for sale…careful!

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Is it good luck?
Change, General Resolution, Growth, Leadership

Is it Good Luck or Bad Luck? You Decide!

We all give into superstitions when the day becomes dark. We say things to make ourselves feel better.  We really do create stories about good luck and bad luck.  Much like the following:

Now, what I’m going to say is really not that big a deal.  Except, it was a really big deal when it happened.

We put an offer on a house in Northern California, which I must say, is like the 1800’s land grab.

Nothing stays on the market very long and if something is super great, well, it is gone in days.  Not only gone in days, but above the asking price.  Bidding wars all over the place.  It’s crazy.

Notice the house in the image to the left.  That’s about what you get for the price.  Kinda depressing!

Anyway, we found the perfect home.  No, not the one above!  I mean perfect.  Out of town, in nature. Like Goldilocks, it was not too small, not too big.  Just right.

It had been on the market for one day.  We were first to see it the next day.

Did I say it was not too small, not too big, just right?  So, we had to scurry to put a bid in.  We were second.  Then we waited.

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Three business professionals working together
Coaching, Conflict Resolutions, Leadership

Intuition, Science and Truth-Telling Form a Powerful Trio in the Workplace

This is about how to rid yourself of a toxic employee or boss.

Did you ever have an employee who scored high on those personality tests that determine if they would make a good fit for your organization?

How about sitting in an interview and ‘just knowing’ this is the absolutely, positively, right person for the job?

Or, you are being interviewed and enthralled by the possibility of working for this most amazing boss.

And then something happens…

There is a disconnect between what looked good on paper (and even in your heart and mind) and what is really happening day-to-day.

“What the heck happened?” you ask yourself.

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power word
Coaching, Conflict Resolutions, Growth, Patterns

The Power of Shifting (Make Sure You Hear That Word Clearly)

 

Funny story: I was working on getting my negative thinking under control and asked someone to help me.  You see, it’s hard to do anything totally alone and I know the power of relationships can make a tremendous difference.

I found my power person to help and I found my power word.

I asked my dearest, best friend, who also happens to be my husband, to support me in this not-so-easy task of changing outdated behavior patterns.  I asked him to simply say my power word whenever he caught me reverting to the victim behavior, that I must say, I really can get into sometimes.

I asked Herb to use my power word to remind me to stop my blaming, judging or attacking another and find a more positive way to handle my upset.  I want to give up the “poor me” and “life’s not fair” attitude.

Now, I don’t go there often; however, I want to have this behind me totally.

I teach others to be better leaders and to stop whining and get going.  Yet, there are times when my old survival responses seem to take over and I sound lame and ineffective.

Herb and I made the agreement.  He would use my power word, and nothing more, when I would start up with a sob story.

So, one afternoon, someone who had promised to complete a project for me, called with tons of excuses.  It was going to set me back several weeks and that meant promises I made to others would get caught in the back water.

I was pissed.

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Ask Questions and Beware of Hyphens!
Business and Life Patterns, Communication, Leadership

Ask Questions and Beware of Hyphens!

There’s a great story that has not been validated; however, it’s still a great story about checking up on what’s going on around you.

Back in the day of Queen Catherine the Great, everyone did what she wanted.  Guess that’s why she was called “the Great!”

As legend would have it, this longest ruling female leader would get her way, no matter what.

There had been a hard winter in Russia and one morning Queen Catherine was standing at the window looking at the vast cold terrain and saw the first spring flower pushing through the snow.  It could have been a daffodil or a snowdrop flower.  In any case, she wanted to enjoy this miracle of nature and posted a guard right there, so no one could pick or step on this beauty.

Fast forward to decades later when Alexander II was the Czar in the mid 1800’s.  One day, he looked out of that same palace window and saw a soldier standing at attention on the lawn.  Nothing was there as far as he could see and asked Otto van Bismarck what the soldier was doing there.

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Restless Patterns
Business and Life Patterns, Coaching, Leadership, Patterns

Restless Patterns

By Frank Walsh | CEOptions Certified Pattern Breakthrough Coach

It’s not you, it’s me… Well it’s also you, but with some guidance I have seen how the patterns of my past influenced our relationship.

I started to feel it in my mid 40’s. Things were different. I had evolved, you had changed. You didn’t make me happy anymore and I started to hate you for it. Still, we had been through a lot, so I didn’t want to quit. I felt I could fix things. I believed you had so much to learn from me if you would just accept it.

By 50 it was all over except the tears. I only saw you as irrational, controlling and heartless. But I know you were just doing what comes naturally, and I was playing my roll of the Rebel. I couldn’t fix you, so I would watch you destroy yourself with smug satisfaction, except that it wasn’t satisfying, it was saddening.

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