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What Is Your AQ?
Change

What Is Your AQ?

Hi! Sylvia Lafair here from Bangkok, Thailand. And what I’d like to do is welcome all of us to this new decade, the 2020s! And the big question for us now is going to be, how does your AQ, not your IQ, not your EQ.

Your AQ, which is your adaptability quotient. And being here in Thailand, it’s been an incredible experience to be able to kind of figure out what people are saying in a language that is pretty far into us to do this, which has been the most fun thing. Let me see if I get this up properly working with the elephants.

It’s just been an incredible experience.

We came here to see what it was like to be in a different environment and really spending a day with these beautiful, beautiful elephants who are in a reserve specially, set for them. So, they can be nurtured and cared for Riding on their backs, they don’t really like that but we were able to feed them. We were able to wash them. We were able to just simply communicate with them. And what I’d like to do is suggest to each of you that in this decade of change, you do something different. Have to go all the way to Thailand to pad an elephant , you can simply walk outside, turn to somebody you don’t know and say hello.

What we’re talking about now is, doing something different. That’s what change is all about and one of the issues with change that we have had experiences with, is that, we only change when we’re forced to. When something is happening. We lose a job. Our health changes. A relationship changes and therefore, I’m suggesting that we begin to practice change. Practice it every day. Do one thing differently. One that’s all I’m asking is one thing differently turn to somebody if you walk down the street or if you ride a bus or a train to work or go into a city or if you’re in the supermarket. Turn to somebody near you and simply say, “Hi! How are you?” That’s all you have to do, is do it differently.

If you’re Pro not to talk to people, talk to them. If you talk to them all the time, just be quiet and observe.

What I’m suggesting is this time this decade. This necessary time of change is within each of us to do so.

We have had an incredible time here in in Thailand, understanding the nature of things.

I will send some beautiful pictures when we get back next week, and I want to wish you all an incredible prosperous exciting year ahead. A year where we can learn and grow and be together, where we can learn to be the best leaders. We can be the best followers. We can be and all I’m suggesting is each day, do one thing. One thing could be something simple if you normally brush your teeth with your right hand and I’m right-handed, do it with your left hand. If you’re stirring a pot of over with your right hand, do it with your left hand or reverse it all.

I’m saying, is each day do one thing to begin to activate that AQ, that adaptability quotient and have a wonderful exciting time. Finding new ways to do things, the old things, the old ways have to change.

Thank you so much and blessings to all of you.

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A Carwash for Your Brain
Business, Change

New…A Carwash for Your Brain

Do you go through an internal battle when it’s time for a change? Do others resist your new attitudes and behaviors? Do you just want to go back to the good old days and stay in your zone of comfort?

Here is what I received from a colleague who was promoted to a senior leadership role talking about his discomfort as he navigates new territory.

Dear Sylvia,

Hope all is good with your move to California full time. I would like some help. What  I really want is a pacifier and a baby blanket. However, I’ll settle for some words of wisdom.

You know how amazingly happy I was to get the promotion to senior VP. I knew it was time and I knew I would do a great job. However, now that I’m in that bigger boss place for several months it’s not all sunshine and roses.

It seems I’m not getting the support I thought I would get. I even hear that damn gossip grapevine loudly whispering that I’m not as good as they all thought I would be. I feel alone and yes, abandoned by folks who I thought were my friends.

Not sure which way to turn.

Signed,

Life Not Beautiful

Here is my response to Life Not Beautiful

Sounds like you’re stuck in the past. Yes, you were super successful and now it’s time for some major changes. I think you will find my webinar “Give Change a Chance” very eye-opening. You see, we all have the battle to fight to get to the next level of personal and professional development.

Think what it was like going from middle school to high school or high school to college, or college to work. You get what I mean.

I think when change is in the air we all need a “car wash for the brain!” Time to get the old, encrusted ways of thinking and responding washed away.

As you develop your leadership skills you need to find new and more effective ways to communicate. Many of your colleagues may have loved your ability to tell lively stories (you do have a way with words) and now, you just don’t have the same amount of time. Even more important, you have to change how you relate to those who now report to you. The quality of the relationships will change and you need to be ready for this.

Here’s how crazy hard it is to implement change even when you know it’s time for a change.

A study was done years ago about the quality of care received in hospitals in the middle of the night by tired interns and residents. It was not good. Many mistakes happened some life-threatening. Yet, it wasn’t until 2003 that congressional legislation required the interns and residents to work an 80- hour week rather than the insane 120 hours most had been clocking.

Pushback came from older physicians who were annoyed with the legislation saying “If it was good enough for me, it’s good enough for them.”

Change is tough and it is natural to go through a battle internally when it’s time for a change. Yet, looking at what is going on and doing it differently is the only real way for ultimate success. So, get a copy of the webinar and give me a call for a strategy session to help you find the best route to navigate your new leadership position.

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Is it good luck?
Change, General Resolution, Growth, Leadership

Is it Good Luck or Bad Luck? You Decide!

We all give into superstitions when the day becomes dark. We say things to make ourselves feel better.  We really do create stories about good luck and bad luck.  Much like the following:

Now, what I’m going to say is really not that big a deal.  Except, it was a really big deal when it happened.

We put an offer on a house in Northern California, which I must say, is like the 1800’s land grab.

Nothing stays on the market very long and if something is super great, well, it is gone in days.  Not only gone in days, but above the asking price.  Bidding wars all over the place.  It’s crazy.

Notice the house in the image to the left.  That’s about what you get for the price.  Kinda depressing!

Anyway, we found the perfect home.  No, not the one above!  I mean perfect.  Out of town, in nature. Like Goldilocks, it was not too small, not too big.  Just right.

It had been on the market for one day.  We were first to see it the next day.

Did I say it was not too small, not too big, just right?  So, we had to scurry to put a bid in.  We were second.  Then we waited.

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Memorial Day
Change, Coaching, Growth

Remembering Memorial Day

It doesn’t seem to stop.  I’m writing this after watching a video of young people at a concert in Manchester, England, run for their lives after a bomb explosion stopped the music.

I’m writing this after hearing the pain of a dad whose handsome son was knifed to death while waiting with friends near a bus stop on the University of Maryland campus.  This was just days before his graduation from Bowie State University.

Then there is Danny, a coaching client, who told me he is still angry…no, furious, thinking about his brother, Neil, who was a victim of a stray bullet in the dusk of an evening not even a year ago.

And the eighteen-year-old girl at Times Square, whose last memory was most likely of a car careening onto the sidewalk and snuffing out her life.

This is a long list that seems to never end.

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Business, Business and Life Patterns, Conflict Resolutions, Leadership

Join the Fun on International Day of Happiness

Let’s imagine together.

Imagine all the people living for today.  Imagine all the people living life in peace.

You may say I’m a dreamer.  But I’m not the only one.

I hope today you’ll join us.  Its International Day of Happiness!

How will you celebrate?

Think about it this way:

What if…. you called someone you have not spoken to for a long time to find out how they are?

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The Colors of Gender
Business, Change, Coaching, Communication, Goals

The Colors of Gender Thanks to Modern Marketing and Ancient Ancestors

From the day you were born, even before conception, there are beliefs and stereotypes that are attached to gender.

Let’s consider the color continuum for gender. Pink is for girls and blue is for boys. Right? Where did this begin? Who decided which colors belong to which gender?

Here is a brief trip through history. In the 1800’s all babies, male and female, wore white “dresses” in infancy. Thus, babies were gender neutral. These sacks were easy for changing diapers and to bleach when they became dirty.

Then around the 1920’s Western parents began dressing the little ones in colors. Pink was associated with boys. Yes, you heard me, boys. Here is the rationale: red is a bold and brave color and too strong for children so, boys got the watered-down version…pink.

Blue, a more subdued color was for girls. And by the way, blue was associated with the Virgin Mary, thus a color of purity. Just saying!

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Standing Rock
Business, Goals, Growth

Standing Rock is Rocking Our World

The growing focus on Standing Rock Reservation and the issues surrounding water, oil, human rights, and earth rights brought up a memory from several years ago.

The morning after the sweat lodge we sat in a circle for our farewell ceremony. Bleary eyed in the predawn cold, something looked and felt different.

Was it just me?

I asked others who had joined our Leadership in Action program. The program was designed as a “pattern interrupt,” to leave, even briefly, from our daily ways of living and experience another cultural perspective.

The idea behind this type of adventure is to continue to move from the information age to the knowledge era. The more you know and understand systems thinking, how everything is connected, the better you can guide the direction of your life and make positive impact on those you lead. This trip was to learn new skills from Native American teachers and bring the indigenous wisdom back to the workplace.

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Diverse Group Of Business Women Isolated On White
Business, Business and Life Patterns, Communication, Growth

How Todays Trinity of Extremes Affects Us All

Yes, we live in a fast paced world. Yes, we are often at tipping points of stress. Yes, we can do better.

“We are all in it together and no one wins unless we all do.” This mantra sounds good, however, for most of us it sounds naïve. Sometimes the world seems to be spinning out of control and the issues are too big and a single individual, a mere speck in the universe, is too small to make a dent in the issues.

The trinity of today’s extremes are:

Poverty
Climate
Violence
As I listened to the speakers at the Clinton Global initiative I was bouncing between hope, anger and depression.

Hope won.

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Do You Want To Change?
Business, Business and Life Patterns, Change

Do You Want To Change?

There is an old saying, “Technology changes, people don’t.”

It’s kind of depressing to think that with all the good stuff at our finger tips, we are not much different from Neanderthal man and woman.

Well, maybe we dress better.

As social beings, everything we do is interactive and contextual. And yes, technology has changed much of our behavior and much of our behavior dictates what is next in technology.

What hasn’t changed is that our interactive behaviors create different kinds of experiences, and that is where we really need to think about what kind of experience do we want to create, at home and at work.

The excellent book, “An Everyone Culture: Becoming a Deliberately Developmental Organization” by Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey, explores the essence of relating in the modern workplace.

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Ain’t It Good To Be Alive
Business and Life Patterns, Change, Growth

Ain’t It Good To Be Alive

Last weekend we trekked to Manhattan for the season premiere of ALIVE: 55+ and Kicking.

And what a day it was.

Just being in the presence of the executive producer, Vy Higginsen would have been enough. However, the day brought so much that I simply want to stand up and applaud the entire cast and the brilliance of an idea so needed in our world today.

Vi took the microphone before the start of the show and in her vivacious manner said, “The first 50 years of life are for learning, and the next 50 are for living.” And off we went on a musical holiday of song and story about, well just about all of us. It was about dreams gone astray, dreams fulfilled, happy days, hurtful days, and how to get up and get going, no matter what.

I will be interviewing Vy for my book “GUTSY BREAKTHROUGH STORIES” so here is just a snap shot of this mover and shaker. She is an award winning author, playwright, radio and TV personality. She is full of firsts: first woman on New York prime-time radio, first female executive in advertising, and founder of the Mama Foundation for the Arts in Harlem.

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